How Fathers Can Lead Their Families - Part 2: Dad Dates
In this series, we will examine practical ways fathers can lead their families. This will include ideas and philosophies of leadership itself but will stay focused on the context of the family and its critical role. If you have ever asked yourself where all the good leaders have gone, the answer, in part, is that the family unit has stopped creating them. You can change that.
Introduction
In part two of the series, we will cover dad dates. This article will discuss why dad dates are important and how they help you lead your family, dating your wife, dating your children, and some tips on how to get started.
The Importance of Dad Dates
Dad dates are used as a tool to carve out time for each member of the family so they get one-on-one time with you. The importance of this could be an article by itself, but we will focus on its ability to build trust.
Trust is necessary for long-term and productive leadership. It is a key for any good leader. So what is it, and how do you create it with your family? Trust is the belief in and reliance on the leader's ability, integrity, and strength. It is acting as though the person will do what they say with your best interest in mind. It is a high standard and not given lightly—it must be earned and protected.
The good news is you most likely already have a high level of trust within your family. Your wife did marry you (good job!), and children naturally trust their parents. Dad dates help you refine and build on what you already have. Dad is trustworthy, and dad dates give you the time and space to show your wife and children the why behind this truth. That is, you spend time with them one-on-one to focus on each person.
Date Your Wife
My favorite quote for understanding how important this is comes from Dr. Jordan Peterson: “Give your wife at least 90 minutes a week or give her much more in the divorce.” My wife and I use Friday nights as our scheduled date nights. No, we do not make it every week, but we do get out at least twice a month. Sometimes we have to move the date night to Saturday or Sunday night depending on what’s happening during the week. However, this flexibility is possible because we have established a weekly date night. I encourage you to do the same.
We have faced many challenges, including small children, lack of time, and lack of funds. If you have small children, you probably face the other two issues as well. My wife and I found walking to be a good solution. We could do it early in the morning or at night. Small children could be placed in a stroller or carried in a hiking backpack made for toddlers. It costs only time and can be done indoors or outside.
Here is an example of how we worked around walking during a time when we had two small children (3 years old and 6 months old). In addition, I worked third shift and was finishing my degree. My wife ran an in-home daycare. Furthermore, we live in the southwest, so summers are very hot, even in the mornings. We found malls in our area would open early to allow the elderly to walk in a cool environment. I would get off at 6 a.m. and meet my wife and children, and we would walk around the mall for about an hour. We would do this two or three times a week, and if we had the funds, we would go to breakfast, as it is normally cheaper than other meals.
My point is to be creative and make this a priority. If you miss a month, start it up again. This is a real opportunity for us to lead the way. It will pay off and get easier the more you do it.
Date Your Children
An elder at my church first told me about dating his daughter. My first thought was, “That’s odd,” until he explained he wanted his children to know how they should be treated on a date. Thankfully, I took his advice and have been doing dad dates since my children were little. I can testify he is right. Your daughters learn how a man courting them should treat them, and your sons see you act out how they should treat young ladies.
The benefits are much greater than just teaching dating skills. They learn you are trustworthy, as I mentioned above. Things are said and talked about during dad dates that are discussed nowhere else. How to get started is mostly about carving out time and simply doing it.
Some of the things I have done with my kids are walking (we play games while we walk), dollar store trips, going to playgrounds, playing board games, building projects (Legos, model cars, etc.), and eating at their favorite restaurants.
Conclusion
Dating your wife and children is not only a great way to lead your family but also a way to enjoy them. The trust built over time paves the way for the other leadership ideas we will discuss in the next few blogs. It also builds your family up, making it easier to endure life's hardships.
I hope you enjoyed this content and will put it into practice. Please consider subscribing to the blog and following Dad for Dads on X. Both links can be found at Dadfordads.com.
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